PLANO, TEXAS -- On July 25, 2010, I had an operation on my legs at Baylor of Plano to remove blockage in my arteries. It worked. I am able to walk again, thanks to Dr. Gordon. The operation was over by 3:30 p. m., I was wheeled to a room, and the sadistic nurses at Baylor took over.
Apparently, the nurses object to the fact that I brought my medications for high blood pressure, heart and insulin for diabetes. I have been taking all these medications for over 20 years, so I did not need any supervision to medicate myself. This seemed to provoke a personal animosity and professional affront to the nurses.
Being totally exhausted from the day’s event, I was fast asleep by 9 P.M. One of the nurses, a Chinese-looking nurse with a large wart growing beside her nose (it looked like she was growing another nose), woke me up at 9:30pm and demanded to know the status of my medication and if I had taken each pill. I assured her I had taken every pill. This would not satisfy the double-nose nurse. She insisted I go over the list of my medications and check each one off. I respectfully tried to reassure her that I had taken all my pills. Finally, I told her how silly she was and ordered her to go and leave me alone. She left in a huff. It took me at least 45 minutes to go back to sleep.
Well, little did I realize they had other acts of terrorism planned for unsuspecting me. At 11:40 p. m., I awoke with a deranged male nurse fitting a harness about my head. I sat up and demanded to know what would cause this idiot to attack me so. He stated, “Your oxygen level is low.” And, then without so much as a fair-the-well, kiss his ass or sayonara, he ripped the harness from my head and proceeded out the door as if on a mission. Apparently, someone else’s oxygen level was lower.
It took me 2-1/2 hours to go back to sleep. Gratefully, the hospital had installed a clock on the wall at the foot of my bed so I could record the comings and goings of the lunatic brigade all night. At exactly 3:40 a. m., this same oxygen fool awoke me out of a sound and much needed slumber by grasping my foot (which I had failed to hide under the sheets) and asked in a loud and abusive tone, “Mr. Jarvis, did you want to get up for any reason?” I immediately realized that I was trapped in a mental institution and Randle McMurphy was not coming to my rescue. This was a fight to the death.
I managed to get myself cranked into a sitting position to face my assailant when the room seemed to be overrun with Nurse Ratched and no less than six able antagonists all screaming in unison, “He is supposed to monitor you!” I said, “He is not monitoring me, he is performing Chinese torture on me by letting me get to sleep then waking me up to deprive me of sleep. I fear water boarding is next.”
The head nurse then told me that he had to check the monitors on my chest. I then stated, “There is no reason to wake me because the monitors on my chest are hooked up to a computer in your office.” I then realized the nurses were unaware of this, so I pulled all the jumper cables off my chest, along with the little dinky gown and flung them to the floor! There I sat! Naked as a damn possum with two fat-ass police officers hovering over me. I did not know whether I was to be beaten to death or arrested. I still don’t know what crime I was guilty of.
All this time, Nurse Ratched was screaming at me to reattach the jumper cables to my chest. She said, “You could have a heart attack, and we would not be aware of it without the monitor!” I then informed her that I had never had a heart attack and asked her if their continuing to wake me all night was going to prevent me from having a heart attack? No answer.
As a 72-year-old man with multiple ailments, luckily, I have enough sense not to ever go back to Baylor Insane Asylum of Plano.