Credit Collections Inc Informative - Feds
QUAHOG, RHODE ISLAND -- A little background. I’m a very fortunate person who is lucky enough to live in a state that codified the common law doctrine of necessaries. My x-wife was a prolific doctor shopper who was able to sustain an opiate addiction for years via doctor prescribed pain medication... X-Wife recently filed bankruptcy which included a nice assortment of unpaid medical bills which marked the start of “Open season on Stewie”.
The following paraphrased conversation is real only the names have been changed to protect the silly.
Quagmire calls from CCI telling me I owe 600 hundred dollars in unpaid medical bills which need to be paid RIGHT NOW. I said, “I haven’t been to the doctor in a long time, who was the patient”. He says, “You were”. I asked are you sure about that? Then he say’s no I’m mistaken the patient is your wife Lois now how do you plan on paying this cash or credit card.
Hold on Quagmire, this is the first I’ve heard of this, can you provide me with some details? Quagmire responds, “Sir we have sent you two letters”. Sorry Quagmire but I haven’t received any letters from your company, who were they addressed to?... We verified the address and name and what not but I maintain I never received any correspondence from your company.
. Okay Quagmire, just send me out a bill with the particulars and I’ll review this matter and get back with you. Quagmire was a bit incensed, “Sir, FEDERAL LAW prohibits me from sending you any more correspondence”.. Really?... Wow… we don’t want the feds involved do we.. So how about you just provide me with the service providers contact information and the dates the services were rendered?... Quagmire’s getting even more indignant and tells me, “The federal HIPAA laws prevents him from disclosing this information and I’m getting tired of playing these games with you”. No, no, no… Quagmire… I’m not trying to play games.. You are claiming that I owe you money and I’m simply trying to figure out the basis of your claim, I think that’s reasonable don’t you”… Quagmire is beside himself now.. “SIR, It’s not up to me to prove you owe the money, it’s up to you to prove you don’t”… I quipped, “It’s that federal law thing again , right Quagmire?.. “SIR, I don’t have time to play these games are you going to pay what you owe or am I going to have to elevate this matter”… I responded, “To the Feds?”. “Sir this is no laughing matter, this is serious.. I could destroy your credit.”.. Oh yeah.. I have a FICO score of 313, unless you can somehow link me to the ENRON scandal I doubt it”…. Okay Quagmire… Just give me the mailing address of your company and an account number or reference number and I’ll send you a nice little letter… No, Quagmire.. I need the physical address not a PO Box… I can’t send registered letters or serve court documents to a PO Box… Quagmire tells me he can’t disclosed their address either and I can only assumed it was the feds again.. Quagmire, the feds really make it tough for you to your job don’t they…Quagmire grunted back, “No SIR, It’s people like you who won’t pay their bills that make’s it tough’.. I replied, “I don’t want to get into a logic war with you but would I be wrong in my assumption that if it weren’t for people like me who won’t pay their bills then people like you wouldn’t have a job collecting from people like me?... Quagmire yelled I’m done with this call and said I would regret this and hung up the phone…or did he.. Maybe the feds stepped in and terminated the call..hmmm….
I would shave 50 points off my FICO score if I could have recorded Quagmire.. CLASSIC!